He Will Never Be Satisfied
by angelicaschuyler21
Summary: The story of Angelica Schuyler's tragic time with Alexander Hamilton and her struggle to place her love for Eliza before her feelings for him
1. Chapter 1

**OK so, here's my first ever story, hopefully it's not too bad. The first chapter is kind of short but the second chapter is longer. Some of the** **dialogue is from Hamilton songs, some is not. Enjoy! Also, I wasn't sure what to rate this so if it's wrong just let me know. (:**

 **Chapter 1**

"Come on, Angelica! It'll be fun!" Peggy's pleading eyes and hopeful tone threw futile punches at Angelica's iron defense. She had made up her mind- she wasn't going to attend the ball tonight. She shook her head at Peggy, who frowned and continued begging in response. Behind Peggy, a servant girl twisted her chestnut hair into elaborate curls and pinned them against her scalp. Peggy was wearing a shocking yellow gown that framed her slim figure and accented her curves. She glowed with the type of beauty that crept up behind people and surprised them with its authenticity. Peggy was the smallest of the sisters, but she was the bravest

"Angel? Where's your dress?" Eliza floated through the door, her sky-blue dress drawing even the servant's attention. It was bouncy and light at the same time, and offered a concise summary of Eliza's innocent personality. Eliza was sweet, elegant, and kind- the perfect model sister. Her thin chocolate-colored hair rested on her shoulders and was half pulled up in a moderate updo, framing her bright eyes set in a heart-shaped face. Eliza was beautiful, though she didn't know it. The three of them all were, in their different ways. Peggy glowed , Eliza radiated, and Angelica shone. They all dazzled the room at any ball, but today Angelica wasn't going to be attracting any unwanted gazes at the dance.

"I'm not going," Angelica said flatly, unable to look Eliza in the eyes.

Eliza's eyes widened and she gripped Angelica's shoulder, "Angelica Schuyler Church! Put on your gown this instant!" Angelica winced at the out of place "Church" tacked on at the end of her given name, but remained adamant to her plan to stay home. "You're going to this ball, and there's nothing you can do about it." Eliza added on and turned to the servant to ask her to fetch Angelica's dress. She nodded and slipped down the corridor to Angelica's room.

When she returned, Angelica stood up, fully intending to refuse the dress. But looking at Eliza and Peggy's pleading faces and the tragically beautiful gown brought by the servant, she instead allowed herself to don the dress over her bustle. It was a light pink color, thick, and velvety. The very act of wearing such a beautiful garment seemed wrong to Angelica, but the dress was perfect for her. It hugged her hips and flowed down her legs to collect on the floor around her ankles.

"Oh, Angel," Peggy whispered,"You're beautiful." Eliza smiled in awe as Angelica turned a full circle in the amazing gown. In that instant, Angelica made her mind up. She would attend the ball after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

After a speedy hairdo session and a few goodbyes, the trio was ready to attend the ball. Angelica's thick, curly hair was pulled into a complicated updo filled with clips and pins, with a few curls left out to accent the sharp beauty in her face. When the servants had finished, Angelica felt, well, better than she had in the longest time. Years spent in a loveless marriage with John Church had left her taxed for energy and hopeless. John was a good man, but Angelica didn't love him. She couldn't- their marriage was arranged to mutually benefit both partner's families. The Schuylers received money, while the Churches received status. The deal might have been building her family's reputation, but it was tearing Angelica apart. John was always in London or some other far-away place. Meanwhile, back home, Angelica was invisibly tied to a man she almost never saw and forced to fake a love that had never been. But now, with her sisters, in this incredible dress, she finally felt like her life was going somewhere again.

"This way, ladies," the carriage driver pointed up into the ornate carriage. Angelica followed Eliza in and took a seat between her two sisters. Tonight, however fulfilling it was for Angelica, was about them. They were young and unmarried, while Angelica was already settled into marital life. Soon enough, they would be tying the knot, and Angelica didn't want it to be carried out for the same loveless reasons that she had.

Soon enough, they had arrived at the lit up building where the ball would take place. The three sisters exited the carriage, each tense in her own way. Angelica glanced at Peggy, who flashed an excited but nervous smile back at her. On Angelica's other side, Eliza anxiously twisted her hair, her eyes focused on the door to the ballroom. Angelica clasped her sisters' hands and took a deep breath, pushing all thoughts of John out of her mind. The sisters pulled close together and stepped through the door.

The ballroom was circular with large, decorative paintings spanning the enormous walls. Dim candlelight flooded the large room, giving it a mystical feel. Angelica let herself be overwhelmed by the feeling of magic created by the shadows and candlelight. As the three sisters crossed the threshold into this wondrous new world, they all felt the gazes of rebels and tories alike come to rest on them. Eliza floated down the staircase, her eyes hungrily taking in this new environment. Peggy let her gaze drift around to handsome (and some not so handsome) young men crowding the dance floor. Angelica hunted the crowd for familiar faces and was beginning to give up when her eyes came to rest on someone whom she'd hoped she would not see this evening- Aaron Burr.

Aaron was a quiet, reserved rebel, unlike his fellow loudmouthed hooligan friends, but there was something about him that just got under Angelica's skin. He always seemed to want something from someone, and he never seemed to make friends without an underlying reason. He stood casually next to a couple other rebels, some who Angelica recognized and some who she didn't. She managed to identify the tall, proud frame of the Marquis de Lafayette and the lanky figure of John Laurens. With them was a hulking man wearing a very finely sewn coat and a fifth figure, only slightly visible behind fourth. Angelica was craning her neck to catch a glimpse of him when the other unidentifiable man stepped away, revealing to her the fifth rebel.

Angelica's breath caught in her throat. He was tall and very slender, cutting a perfectly shaped figure. His face was undeniably handsome, and even from across the room, Angelica was able to focus on his shining blue eyes. They were sharp and focused, with a spark of intelligence feeding to their beauty. Angelica couldn't stop gazing into them, her own eyes mesmerized by the allure of the mystery man's. Angelica turned with excitement to Eliza, ready to share her findings, when she saw her sister's bright blue eyes. They were staring helplessly into the mystery man's eyes just as Angelica's had been moments before.

"Angel…" Eliza whispered in awe as they finally stepped onto the dance floor, "This one's mine." Eliza nodded in the general direction of the fifth rebel. Angelica could only nod back, suddenly feeling numb inside. As Eliza began to head over to him, Angelica came to her senses and reached out to grab Eliza's arm.

"Wait! Eliza… I'll get him. Okay?" Angelica blurted out the words before she could fathom what she was doing. Eliza frowned, confused, but nodded and stayed back with Peggy. In a daze, Angelica stumbled across the dance floor, finally reaching the rebels after what seemed like forever. _Why am I doing this?_ The words skittered across her mind and she pushed them aside, focusing instead only on the mystery man.

"Well, if it isn't little miss Angelica Schuyler," Aaron Burr stepped in front of her, his eyes running up and down Angelica's gown and around her curves.

"Hello, Aaron," Angelica said tersely, "Could you introduce me to your friend here?"

Aaron's eyebrows shot up and a mischievous smile crept onto his face. "Alexander Hamilton, meet Angelica Schuyler. Both stubborn, attractive, and opinionated. You'll be perfect for each other." Alexander, as Angelica now knew him, turned away from a conversation with John Laurens to face the newcomer to their little squad. As soon as their eyes met, Angelica felt her world catch on fire around her. She was tingling, on edge, and nervous. It was nothing like she had ever felt with John- _Was this what love felt like?_

"You strike me… as a women who's never been satisfied," Alexander spoke the words carefully and quietly, but the truth in them rang through Angelica's mind. _Never satisfied._ Not with her husband. Her family. Her love. Her life. And yet, they were a strange set of words for a first meeting. Angelica, on edge, her stomach turning and her mind racing, replied the only way she saw fit.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean… You forget yourself." Alexander's mouth twitched into a half-smile, and Angelica swooned inside.

"You are like me. I'm never satisfied," these next words were simple enough, but Angelica turned them over and over in her mind, searching for hidden meaning. _Who was this man? And why does he make me turn into a helpless damsel in distress?_

"Is that right?" Angelica gave him one last chance to turn back around, to join the ranks of the ordinary handsome boys who wanted her heart. At this point, the two's eyes had met and Angelica began to see a painful hunger enveloping his irises.

"I have never been satisfied," Alexander nearly whispered the last words before extending his hand to ask for a dance. Angelica felt a small pang in her heart- What about Eliza? But she pushed it aside and joined him in a slow, graceful dance. Somehow, every step felt dangerous, like they were dancing on hot coals. Everything about Alexander Hamilton felt dangerous, but Angelica was here dancing with him anyway.

"My name is Angelica Schuyler," _Church_ , she added in her mind, but it really was out of place here, with Alexander so close to her and her heart beating so fast.

"Alexander Hamilton."

"Where's your family from?" These words seemed completely wrong for the situation, and Angelica instantly regretted them. As Alexander heard them, his eyes widened and shifted away from Angelica's gaze. Angelica watched curiously as he spit out the next few words.

"Unimportant. There's a million things I haven't done. But just you wait…" Alexander trailed off at the end of this phrase, as if he realized the strangeness of what he had just said. Angelica tilted her head to meet his eyes, which were focused on something in the distance. For some reason, Angelica had the strange feeling that that something was unreachable.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Suddenly, like lightning, Angelica remembered Eliza. Sweet, innocent Eliza, who let her older sister talk to and dance with the man she was clearly in love with. Before she could change her mind, she looped her arm through Alexander's and began to move towards where Eliza was still patiently waiting.

"Where are you taking me?" Alexander questioned her, glancing back to the relative safety of his revolutionary squad. Angelica took a deep breath and continued pulling him towards Eliza.

"I'm about to change your life," the words physically hurt Angelica to say, but she continued to pull Alexander towards her sister. Alexander shrugged, clearly confused, but kept following her.

"Then by all means, lead the way," Alexander spoke the words matter-of-factly, but Angelica knew that they would be the last ones between them before everything changed forever. She took in his handsomeness, his intelligence, and his raw hunger one last time before doing the most difficult thing she had ever done. She turned to face her sister.

"Elizabeth Schuyler, pleasure to meet you," Eliza breathed the words excitedly, oblivious to Angelica's pained face and Alexander's confused eyes. As Angelica look on, Alexander finished assessing the situation and finally processed what was going on. He took Eliza's extended hand and placed a small kiss on it. Though small, the gesture spoke volumes to Angelica. She felt her heart shriveling back into its hiding place where it had been since her marriage.

"Schuyler?" Alexander knew they were sisters, but did he know why Angelica would give him up for Eliza? Angelica wasn't even sure if she knew at this point. She loved Eliza, but no one had ever made her feel quite like Alexander did. Angelica suddenly felt sick when she realized that he probably made Eliza feel the same way. Her thoughts were tumbling over each other and she was contemplating how to make her escape when she realized it's her turn to talk.

"My sister," Angelica spit out the explanation, hoping no one else sensed her bitterness. She was beginning to feel like a terrible person inside. _Why do I want so badly the only thing I can't have?_ Angelica couldn't face Eliza or Alexander- her stomach was churning, her heart pounding, and her mind racing.

"Thank you for all your service," Eliza said. Her eyes were dancing in their sockets, taking in every inch of Alexander, mesmerized by him. Angelica knew Eliza was helpless. Helpless and desperately in love.

"If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it," finished Alexander. Angelica knew it was done. She had sacrificed her love for her sister, so there was only one way to end this conversation

"I'll leave you to it!" Angelica finished her part as the caring older sister as she swept away from the scene. She wouldn't allow herself to have feelings for Alexander- she couldn't. She had to put her sister first. But as she glanced back at the two, Angelica knew she could never control Alexander. Or her feelings for him. She would just have to hide them away where nobody, not even Alexander himself, could uncover them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The rest of the night passed by in a blur of dances and drinks. Angelica kept herself and her hungry eyes far from Alexander and Eliza's circle of happiness. She danced with Aaron, numbing herself to the pain enveloping her heart. Her beautiful dress felt heavy and hot, and seemed only to be dragging her down. She wanted nothing more than to go home and cry into Peggy's shoulder.

"Angelica," a soft whisper reached her ears and she whipped her head around to see who had spoken. To her horror and delight, Alexander stood there, his hands shoved in his pockets and his shining eyes locked on Angelica's.

"Alexander— I…? What are you doing here? Where is Eliza?" Angelica sputtered the words, inwardly cursing her inability to form coherent thoughts with this man.

"She's… over there," Alexander spoke while waving his handing the direction where he'd come from, "Look, Angelica. I just want to talk to you."

"Um- Okay? We can talk over here," Angelica led Alexander to a corridor off the ballroom, every step feeling guilty to her.

"Listen, Angelica… your sister is amazing. She's kind, sweet, and beautiful," Alexander said, and Angelica knew every one of his words to be true. Why was he here? To make Angelica feel bad about her sister's perfection? "But…," he spoke hesitantly, and Angelica knew that they were treading on dangerous waters.

"But…?"

"But Angelica, you stole my heart from the moment I first laid eyes on you," Alexander vomited the words out, then turned away from Angelica. She frowned, then smiled, then panicked as the words slowly sank in.

"Alexander…"

"Don't talk," he blurted, suddenly spinning back around and pulling Angelica into his arms. Angelica protested but he stopped her by pushing his lips against hers and silencing her words. As Angelica realized what was going on, she gave up hope of resisting and pushed herself into Alexander's kiss. Her heart swelled up as she felt a rush of joy and satisfaction course through her body. _Love_. _I've found love._

No. Wait. Angelica conjured an image of Eliza in her mind and pushed Alexander away. This was wrong. Alexander watched her hungrily, and Angelica tingled with emotion. But she had to stop this if she really loved her sister.

"Alexander… I can't," It hurt to say the words, but they were the truth. Alexander knew it, and she knew it, and if they didn't stop now Angelica was afraid they would never stop. Angelica turned away and ran down the corridor, back to the ball room. Back to reality where Alexander was Eliza's and she was alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Angel! I have a letter… from Alex!" Eliza's thrilled voice rose above the daily thrum of the Schuyler household and reached Angelica's ears. She turned to her sister, her heart beating fast in her chest. She was ready for this. But that didn't change the fact that she wished the letter was addressed to her instead.

"Fantastic, Eliza! What does it say?"

"I have told you, and I told you truly that I love you too much…You engross my thoughts too entirely to allow me to think of any thing else—you not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep," Eliza read breathlessly. She looked up from the letter and smiled, a beautiful sight that was enough to break Angelica's heart. "He loves me… Angelica, he loves me!"

"Eliza… be careful with Alexander, alright?" the words surprised even Angelica as she said them, but she knew that Alexander Hamilton was very capable of breaking someone's heart, "That man…he'll do what it takes for him to survive." Eliza looked into Angelica's eyes, alarmed. She fingered her precious letter, eyes waltzing over Alexander's compelling words. Angelica knew that they would be woven in a way that spoke directly to Eliza's heart. Eliza shook her head, refusing to believe Alexander would hurt her.

"He's a good man, Angelica. Like John," Eliza said the words with such conviction that Angelica almost began to believe them. But good was a relative term, and good men had been known to do terrible things.

Fast-forward to a couple months later- Angelica and her sisters were dining and laughing on cool spring day inside of the home they had shared since birth. The tolling of the doorbell interrupted Peggy's tale of her affection for the Marquis de Lafayette and Eliza suddenly perked up, looking towards the door.

"What is it, Eliza?" Angelica asked following her sisters glance to the doorway. As the door opened, Eliza rose and scurried upstairs, calling for their father, Philip Schuyler. Angelica watched the door swing open and nearly fell out of her seat when she saw who had arrived.

"Angelica! Peggy!" Alexander stepped into the house, smiling towards the two sisters. It took all of Angelica's willpower not to try to read into the way he was looking at her.

"Why are you here, Alexander?"

"Yeah, why Alex?"giggled Peggy

Alexander smiled mysteriously and shrugged before taking a seat beside Peggy at the table. Angelica tried to ignore his adorable smile and his intelligent eyes but she couldn't help but stare. He was slowly breaking down the walls she had built to him over the past few months, brick by brick, and Angelica couldn't stop him.

"Alexander!" Eliza came rushing down the staircase, her hair flying behind and her face unable to hide her huge smile, "Alexander, are you ready?" She nodded to the sitting room behind next to the dining room where Angelica and Peggy sat. Alexander nodded, barely able to conceal his smile behind his calm aura.

Angelica watched her father descend the stairs, sizing up Alexander as he did so. Eliza stood by anxiously, twiddling her fingers and biting her lip as Philip and Alexander entered the sitting room and closed the door. When she was sure the door was closed, Eliza skipped gleefully over to her sisters. She looked like the poster child for young love- excited, uncertain, hopeful, optimistic, and madly in love.

"Angel, he's going to…" Eliza trailed off, her face barely able to hold her enormous smile, "He's going to ask Daddy for my hand. In marriage! Angel, we're going to be married!" Eliza whispered the words, not wanting her father to hear them, but Angelica heard them loud and clear. They rang like a siren in her ears, and she suddenly felt numb again. Eliza and Alexander were going to marry. Alexander would be her sister-in-law. The thought hit her like a battering ram, knocking all sense out of her. She struggled to breathe, trying to keep her tears from spilling out in front of Eliza. Then, gathering her courage, she spoke to her sister.

"That's amazing, Eliza! I'm so happy for you," Angelica said the words without meaning, trying to muster fake enthusiasm. In a way, she was happy for them. Marriage, without a doubt, would solve her internal debate about Alexander. A sister's spouse was so far off-limits it was basically a crime to go near him. Angelica fought hard to push away the memory of Alexander's lips pressed against her own. So close to him, his beautiful eyes locked on hers…

"Eliza!" Alexander cried, pushing open the door to the sitting room, "Eliza, he said yes!" Angelica bit her lip to keep from crying, throwing her arms around Eliza and smiling, telling her how happy she was. She numbed herself to the heartbreaking pain, letting her eyes and ears slide out of focus to the situation. It was over. It was done.

 **OK, so sorry again for the short chapters, I'm just ending them where it feels natural for me. Thanks for reading if you made it this far, more chapters to come about later in Angelica/Alexander's life/relationship (:**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Angelica stood on the floor of the Schuyler Mansion, her home since she was young, her mind void of thought of Alexander, though she was beside him. She stood and smiled as her sister made her way up the aisle, her face formed in the brightest smile Angelica had ever seen. She stood as Eliza gazed into Alexander's eyes, gripping the bouquet so tightly her fingers turned white. She stood and watched as Alexander pulled Eliza into a long and meaningful kiss. She stood as her heart slipped away from her and she smiled so hard she thought she would cry. And she did it for Eliza, the girl who married the only man Angelica had ever loved.

Three dances and a drink later, Angelica was ready to speak up. Not for herself, but for her sister's sake. So she stood tall and proud as the crowd quieted down, and began her toast.

"A toast to the groom, to the bride… from your sister, Angelica. Who is always by your side," Angelica spoke loud and clear, wanting Eliza to know that she was here for her, "To your union, and the hope that you provide. May you always… be satisfied," The second these last words left Angelica's mouth, she knew that they were the right ones. She knew that Alexander was eying her, and she wanted him to know that he would have to be satisfied with the sister he chose. The words were a silent warning to stay away from her. She turned to Eliza, who looked back. She had been smiling through the whole service and reception, but now she had a more pained look on her face, and for a split second Angelica wondered if she knew about her feelings for Alexander. But no, Eliza's lips split into a smile and Angelica sighed inside. Her secret was safe, for now.

Angelica danced throughout the rest of the night, but she never managed to look her partner in the eye. The Marquis de Lafayette (who Angelica later learned preferred just to be called Lafayette) asked to dance with her several times, switching between her and Peggy. She reluctantly danced with Aaron Burr, though she wasn't exactly sure why he had attended the wedding. When the night drew to a close and the guests began to leave, Angelica retreated to Peggy's side, and they talked meaninglessly until everyone was gone but Eliza and Alexander. The couple exchanged a kiss before parting ways, Eliza to head to her room in the Schuyler mansion and Alexander presumably to join his rebel friends at a bar somewhere. Angelica watched Alexander leave before turning to Peggy.

"I think— I think I'm going to go up to my room," Angelica spoke hesitantly because she knew that was what she should be doing, but her heart was telling her otherwise. Peggy nodded, clearly caught in her own world. Angelica spun back around and quickly exited the ballroom, heading towards the stairs. When she reached them, however, instead of going up them to her bedroom, Angelica turned left and hurried down the side stairs to the service entrance to the mansion. Several cloaks hung on pegs by the door, and she donned one the color of the night and headed out onto the streets.

The streets of Albany were quiet at night, quite unlike the bustling streets of Manhattan. Angelica kept to the side streets and ran through the night, unsure of where she was going. Her dress flew behind her, flapping in the cool night breeze as she went further and further from the Schuyler mansion. She ran to forget the events that had taken place today. To forget her shattered heart. To forget her unchecked desire for what she couldn't have. Finally, stopping to take a breath, Angelica arrived at a small tavern nestled between two large stores. Pulling the hood of the cloak over her face, she entered the tavern, hoping no one would recognize her. As she entered, several eyes darted to her, but they didn't stay for long. The eyes turned back to their drinks, forgetting the slender stranger who had just walked in. For this, Angelica was grateful.

She didn't dare to order a drink, lest the bartender become suspicious, but she went to the back corner of the tavern and settled in a small booth far from the door. Glancing around, she was glad not to see familiar faces, and was beginning to relax when she heard a thick French accent behind her that she would recognize anywhere. Panic seized her heart, for if Lafayette was here, then surely his friends were as well. Gathering her strength, she slowly turned and peered at the scene behind her.

And, sure enough, dressed in nothing less than full wedding attire, there sat Alexander Hamilton. John Laurens, Lafayette, Hercules Mulligan (who Angelica had learned to be the large tailor from the ball), and Aaron Burr sat with him, laughing and arguing and generally getting drunk. Angelica watched John Laurens tease Burr over an unknown girl, then watched Alexander kick Hercules, John, and Lafayette out of the group, leaving just him and Aaron at the table. The trio talked for a couple of minutes before realizing that Alexander and Aaron weren't going to be done anytime soon. They said their goodbyes and walked their separate ways out of the tavern. As Angelica watched them leave, the lovesick part of her mind started a countdown- _3 down, 1 to go_. Angelica pushed it aside. She didn't want to talk to Alexander alone. It would only make her want him more, and possibly vise versa. So Angelica stayed in her seat, hoping that Aaron and Alexander would leave together so she could have some peace and quiet.

Alas, no such luck befell Angelica Schuyler, and Aaron Burr left alone a couple moments later. Angelica stole glances at the final person seated at the table as he drank and, to her surprise, pulled out a quill, ink, and paper and started scribbling down writings. Angelica watched him until her eyes and heart could bare it no longer and she suddenly made a very rash decision. Angelica jumped to her feet and rushed back to wear Alexander sat, the hood of her cloak falling back to reveal her face for the first time. Alexander looked up, and his expression went from annoyance, to shock, to a welcoming gaze gesturing her to the seat beside him. Angelica sat down, her entire body rigid and tense, afraid of what would happen next.

"Angelica… Angelica, what are you doing here? You should be with your sister," Alexander spoke fast and confused, his eyes completely locked on Angelica's. She felt guilty, knowing that she should be with Eliza, but somehow being out of the mansion and on the dangerous streets of Albany seemed to be the right thing to do tonight.

"I'm just… spending some time outside the house," Angelica gave him a small smile, hoping he understood that she couldn't be with her sisters, in their childhood mansion, on her sister's wedding day, wanting her groom. Not tonight.

"Then… I think we should talk in a more private place," the words were blunt on one edge but as sharp as a knife on the other, and Angelica knew that they were another invitation to dance with Alexander over hot coals, trying not to get burned.

"I—"

"Come on," Alexander interrupted, leading her to the back of the pub where a small room was walled off from the rest of the tavern. Angelica let her heart lead her in, trying to push away her rational thoughts. Alexander closed the door and they sat in the dark, facing each other, on equally ugly and overstuffed couches.

"Alexander… What are we doing?" Angelica posed the question, her heart beating faster than it ever had before. She was scared, too, of Alexander, but of her own love for him.

"We're—" Alexander interrupted his own talking by pushing himself into Angelica and pressing his lips into hers. Angelica nearly screamed at the suddenness, her heart jumping in her chest.

"Alexander…" Angelica struggled to say the words through the kiss,"Not on my sister's wedding day,"Angelica pushed him away, but she let the taste of his lips linger on hers,"We can't do this."

"I know," came the response, "But I don't care," with these words Alexander drew Angelica towards himself and resumed what they had been doing before. Angelica, beaten, didn't try to resist. She let herself be carried away into him and lost herself in his touch. They kissed, their bodies so close Angelica could feel the expensive blue fabric of his coat rubbing against her. The wedding seemed so far away now. The wedding… Eliza. Angelica was kissing her sister's husband.

"Stop!" she cried, shoving Alexander away from her,"Stop making me do this! Stop making me want you…" Angelica felt tears began to stream silently down her face, and she turned away from Alexander. He stared for a seconds and then turned away too. Angelica knew he was ashamed.

"Angelica… I don't want to hurt your sister," Alexander said, and Angelica heard the truth in his voice, "I just… I love—-"

"Eliza,"Angelica interrupted, turning to face him and placing her hands on his shoulders, "You love my sister. Say it. Say you love her!" Angelica screamed the last words, choking on her tears.

"I… I love her," Alexander collapsed after he spoke, and landed on Angelica. She didn't speak, instead stared ahead into the blackness. Her heart was broken, but now it felt as though it was beginning to heal. The tears kept falling down her face, but she was numb to them now. Alexander stood up and embraced her. He didn't try to kiss her, they instead embraced as friends, as siblings. Angelica cried into his shoulder, and he wiped her tears away.

"Good," Angelica spoke the final word into the darkness, her voice unwavering.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Months and months passed by after the wedding and Angelica's night with Alexander. Alexander helped the revolutionary cause, but he never actually fought the British. Instead he worked as a secretary/advisor to General Washington. Angelica and Eliza hardly saw him, and when they did it was a tense meeting as Eliza begged him to return to her in their home, far from the violence of the war. But Angelica knew he wouldn't quit until the colonies had won their freedom, so Eliza was left alone at the Schuyler mansion with only her sisters to keep her company. Sometimes, Angelica was glad that Eliza knew the pain of having a husband gone all the time. But mostly she just worried for the both of them and hoped Alexander didn't get himself killed.

One rainy Sunday evening, Angelica, Peggy, and Eliza were all sitting around the table, conversing and laughing, when a resounding knock echoed through the mansion. Wondering who would be calling at this hour, Angelica went to the front hall where a servant was opening the enormous wooden door. Angelica watched a drenched figure enter the hall, eyes downcast and clothing dripping onto the floor. The figure removed his coat, and at last Angelica was able to get a good look at the face. She bit her lip, trying to hide her astonishment when she realized it was none other than Alexander Hamilton.

"Angelica. Hi," Alexander spoke quietly, his tone a departure from his usual purpose to his words.

"Alexander, wh—what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Washington?" Alexander looked up, a sarcastic smile forming on his face.

"Yes, yes I should. Where is Eliza?" he asked, trying to conceal the anger and confusion on his face. Angelica frowned, but pointed him in the direction of the dining room where Peggy and Eliza sat. She watched him hurry to where she had pointed and followed him hesitantly, trying to discern what was going on. She arrived in the dining room to find Peggy, sitting alone, her face white with fear.

"Peggy! What's going on? Are you okay?" Angelica ran to her sister, placing her hand on Peggy's shoulder and massaging it softly. Peggy looked up at her, then glanced towards the adjacent room, the door tightly shut.

"Alexander… he just came in, and Eliza started crying… and they went in there. I don't know what's wrong, but Alexander was panicked and Eliza was so upset…" Peggy gasped the words out urgently, the worry for Eliza evident on her stricken face. Angelica hurried towards the door, trying to open it, but it was locked. She pressed her ear against the thin crack between the door and the wall, trying to hear what was taking place. She heard anger in Alexander's voice, and pleading in Eliza's. Eliza began crying, and Alexander's harsh tone slipped away, followed by a soft, comforting voice. Angelica stepped away from the door, fearful for her sister. She waited with Peggy, calming her sister down and tensely watching the door.

Minutes later, the couple emerged. Eliza's eyes and face were red from crying, and she was clinging to her husband, who was staring straight ahead, his eyes unfocused and scared.

"Eliza…" Angelica said tentatively, keeping her eyes trained on her sister, "Eliza, are you alright?" Eliza let out a cry and let go of Alexander, running into Angelica's arms. The two sisters wrapped their arms around each other, Eliza sobbing into Angelica's shoulders. Angelica whispered words of comfort in her ears, completely forgetting about Alexander. Eliza let out one last whimper before looking up into Angelica's eyes and speaking.

"Angel… I— I'm… Angel, I'm pregnant," Eliza cried the words into Angelica, then sank into her arms completely. Angelica drew in a sharp breath. Pregnant? Whatever Angelica had been expecting, it wasn't this. She pulled Eliza closer and peeked over her shoulder to see Alexander who, for the first time in his life, it seemed, looking completely helpless. Angelica's eyes dropped to Eliza's stomach. Was there life inside?

"Eliza, little Eliza," Angelica spoke into her sister's hair, "How long have you known?"

"A month," hiccuped Eliza. She placed her hand on her stomach, touching it gently, "Angelica… how can I tell Daddy?" Angelica knew Eliza was scared. Scared of the life growing inside her, and of what she would do when she had a child.

"We'll do it together. Okay, Eliza? We'll make it together," Angelica squeezed her sister tightly, forgetting about Alexander and her father and everyone else. Peggy came to them, her face wet with tears, and joined Eliza and Angelica. The three sisters pulled together, Peggy and Angelica surrounding Eliza and letting her cry softly into their shoulders. Angelica felt an overwhelming sense of pure love rush over her, enveloping the sisters and weaving its way through their tight embrace. _Together…_

 **OK, so there's that. I'm really enjoying writing this story, and I hope you guys are enjoying reading it. Sorry (again) for the short chapter. More to** **come! (:**


	8. Chapter 8

**OK, so a couple things about this chapter- first, there is a letter written from Alexander to Angelica. I made up the letter (though it's hard to write in Hamilton's style of writing), it's not the real text. Second, this chapter does involve Eliza giving birth, however, there is no description or anything- just before and after. But, if that makes you uncomfortable then you can just skip it. Lastly, some of the exact history/chronology may be a little spotty.**

 **Chapter 8**

"If it's a boy- Philip," Eliza spoke happily, her eyes dancing through another letter from Alexander, one hand gripping the paper and the other resting on her large pregnant belly, "And if it's a girl—"

"Don't say Angelica. We don't need another Angelica around here," Peggy interrupted, a wry smile creeping onto her face. Angelica frowned at Peggy, but her eyes laughed joyfully with her sisters.

"Well, heaven forbid I name my child Margarita," Eliza shot at Peggy, whose given name was a source of embarrassment for her. Angelica laughed, and then wrapped her arms around Peggy, who was biting her lip to hold back a giggle. The three sisters had grown, if possible, even closer since they found out that Eliza was pregnant. They had banded together against their father, who was initially horrified about the idea of his baby girl being with child. However, eventually he grew warm to it, just as he had to her marrying of Alexander. The family grew tight-knit again, excited to have a new member.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Eliza headed upstairs to put the letter in her bedroom. She struggled up the steps, grasping the handrail and steadying herself frequently. Her belly was very swollen, nearly full term. Angelica knew the baby could arrive any day now, and she wasn't sure if she was ready. She sat down on one of the couches in the sitting room, exhausted from helping Eliza the past couple weeks when she woke in the middle of the night. She laid back on the couch, resting, then took out an envelope from under her arm. The letter was from Alexander, and Angelica had been itching to open it all morning.

She tore open the seal and tossed the envelope aside, fingering the thick paper as if she could reach Alexander through it. Carefully unfolding the letter, she gazed at the cursive writing, the language and tone typical of him. He had a way of bending words to make them his, and his letters to Angelica were no exception.

 _"_ _My dear Angelica,_

 _It is my hope that your sisters are well, and that Eliza has not yet brought my child into the world. It is a world of turmoil, indeed, and he will be born into a tumultuous struggle for independence in a young nation. Though I should like to witness the birth myself, I am overwhelmed with problems in our unstable government that need to be fixed. The Congress in which I have a seat is the product of a document unfit to govern a nation. I believe that, perhaps with the help of young politician James Madison, I shall be able to amend this mistake. I currently reside in a small lodging in the heart of our beautiful city, though I wish to be in Albany with you. Your sister has written me saying that your John is still elusively in London- has it become lonely in the great Schuyler Mansion without the company of husbands? I have also heard that Peggy has begun courting a young man- would you care to enlighten me? Your letters have been a beacon in this political darkness surrounding me. Continue to write, your voice brings me a joy that even your sister's does not, and I am lost without it._

 _Adieu,_

 _A. Hamilton_

Angelica pulled the letter to her chest, caressing the words. His letters were joy for her as well, and Alexander knew it. She reread the letter, smiling at the sweet words. Her smile dipped at the out-of-place mention of John, but she let it slide in favor of the better words ending the letter. Sighing, she fell onto the couch, thinking only of Alexander and his wonderful words.

"Angelica! Angelica! Wake up!" Angelica's eyes fluttered open to see Peggy standing panicked above her, shaking her shoulders.

"What is it? I'm up," Angelica muttered groggily, rubbing her eyes. Peggy dragged her off the couch, pushing her towards the staircase.

"It's Eliza- something's wrong with her. I think— I think her water broke," Peggy spoke urgently, her voice frightened and uncertain. When Angelica heard the last words, she jerked herself awake. Her water had broken? This was supposed to happen in a week or so, with a midwife present and Eliza prepared. She hurried up the stairs, scared of how she would find her younger sister.

Angelica raced into Eliza's room, Peggy scrambling behind. She nearly screamed at the sight of Eliza, curled up on the bed, clutching her stomach. Eliza turned when she saw Angelica, her eyes panicked.

"Angelica, help. Get the midwife," Eliza croaked out. Angelica felt her stomach welling up inside, panic filling her body. _Be the strong one. Be the strong one._ She nodded to Eliza, then motioned for Peggy to run to get one of the servants, who was also a midwife. She then turned back to Eliza, whispering words of comfort and gripping her hand. Eliza whimpered, breathing fast, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to calm down. It seemed like hours passed before Peggy returned with the midwife, who ushered Angelica out of the room, insisting she needed to be alone with Eliza. Angelica kissed her sister on the forehead, who begged for her to stay, before reluctantly exiting the room, breathing fast and hard.

"Is she okay?" asked Peggy, who was waiting outside of the room. Angelica nodded back, sinking into her youngest sister's arms, her energy drained. Together, they watched the door, trying to ignore Eliza's screams coupled with encouragements from the midwife. Finally. the screams were replaced by the high-pitched cries of a baby, and the sisters embraced, breathing sighs of relief into each other.

Angelica pushed open the door slowly, wary of what the scene might be. She found her sister holding a baby against her chest, her mouth stretched into a massive smile. The midwife stood by, looking proudly at the child she had just brought into the world. When Angelica entered, Eliza turned and her chest rose and fell faster, her excitement evident.

"Philip…" Eliza said softly, lifting the boy into the air and gazing into his eyes, "I just wish… that Alexander could be here… to see him," Eliza finished, taking lengthy breaths between phrases. Angelica rushed to Eliza, her love for her sister coming on all at once, and knelt beside the bed. She pushed Eliza's hair out of her eyes and kissed her on the cheek. Philip wailed loudly as Eliza tried to calm him down. Angelica felt herself unable to stop a proud smile from creeping onto her face.

"He's wonderful, Eliza," Angelica said gently and, for the first time in a while, she put all thoughts of Alexander out of her mind and thought only of her sisters.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Alexander returned to the Schuyler Mansion a week later, prompted to come by Angelica's urgent letter. He came in the door and was greeted by Eliza holding Philip against her. Angelica saw his face melt into an amazed smile as he took the baby from Eliza. She kept back, watching the couple and their son laugh and smile and love. They were the image of a perfect family. Angelica thought of John, still in England. She had just received a long letter from him, asking her to come to London to stay with him. Angelica didn't want to leave Alexander, or Eliza, or even Philip behind in New York, but she knew it was her duty as a wife to go. She hadn't told Eliza, but as soon as her sister was settled in with Philip, Angelica planned to go.

"Angelica!" Alexander called from across the hallway. She headed over to him, and he wrapped her in a long hug, "I missed you," he said quietly, and Angelica nodded into his chest before pulling away.

"Eliza, John has invited me to live with him in London," Angelica didn't know what made her say the words, but as she said them, she regretted her decision. Eliza's face fell slightly before transforming into a pained smile.

"That's… great, Angelica," Eliza said, her shifting eyes giving away her real opinion. She didn't want Angelica to go, and her older sister knew it. Alexander, seeing the tension, swooped in to comfort his wife.

"But don't worry, Eliza, I have a place for us to stay in the city. We can move out of the mansion, just like you've been wanting," he said. Angelica felt a jolt in her stomach. Eliza wanted to leave? She had thought that her sister had remained here by choice. Eliza blushed, looking down.

"I guess we can, Alexander," she mumbled, avoiding looking at Angelica.

"Um… I'll just go whenever you leave," Angelica said quietly. She didn't want to leave her sisters, or Alexander. She didn't want to live with John. Alexander nodded, handing Philip back to Eliza. Angelica retreated back upstairs, her heart thumping in her chest. When she entered her room, she fell onto the floor, her energy finally giving out. She tried to gather the strength to stand back up again, but couldn't. She crumpled to the floor, her head falling into her hands and months worth of tears began flooding from her eyes. She felt broken inside, laying on the floor, her heart spilling out in the form of wet tears. Alexander… it pained her to think of him. His proud eyes when he saw Philip for the first time. His eloquent letters, spun like straw into gold. His heart-breaking smile. Angelica knew the signs of love. And she knew it was wrong. But her desire, her overwhelming sense of wanting was welling up inside and taking from her the strong, sisterly love she had always had. It physically hurt her every time she looked at her sister's wife and remembered his lips on hers. She couldn't breathe when he was around. She could barely function. It was love. And it was all wrong. Because Alexander loved Eliza. And that was how it had to be.

Two weeks later, Angelica was departing for London, and Eliza and Alexander were moving to the city. She said goodbye to them, holding back tears the whole time. Eliza carried Philip gently into their carriage heading to their new home in the city. Angelica stepped alone into a small carriage headed for the harbor. Both sisters watched the home they had known all their life grow smaller as they traveled further from it, and both wondered if they were making a mistake leaving it behind.

When Angelica finally arrived at the waterfront, she was anxious at the thought of being on a boat for weeks. Far from anyone she knew, heading into unfamiliar territory with only John to guide her when she arrived. She was already missing Eliza and Alexander, but she would have to get used to that.

"Angelica Schuyler," Angelica introduced herself at the ticket office before paying for her trip to London. The man behind the desk nodded sleepily, pointing her in the direction of a small ship located at the far end of the harbor. Angelica took her ticket and walked down the pier to where the ship was docked.

The boat was small, dinged-up, and rusty. Not exactly where Angelica wanted to spend the upcoming weeks. Nevertheless, she climbed aboard the boat and was led to her cabin, a minuscule square of space in the deepest corner of the ship. A swinging bunk took up one wall, and a tiny chest of drawers occupied the other. Angelica thanked the man who had taken her here and sat down on the bed, heavy-hearted. She wanted to be with Eliza, in the Schuyler Mansion, talking and laughing and holding her nephew. Instead, she was alone, on a vessel barely worthy of the water, in a closet-sized space, traveling to meet her never-present husband in a place she had never been. Angelica opened her small bag, rummaging around until she found what she was looking for. She finally found it- a folded piece of paper, covered in words. She held the letter against her chest, remembering secret kisses and ballroom dances and magnificent eyes. And now… she had left that behind. She had left it in favor of silent nights and rainy streets and a man she couldn't bear to face.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys! One thing about this chapter- again, there is a letter, this time from Angelica to Alexander. The first two lines are from a letter she wrote (the inspiration for "Satisfied", actually), and the rest I made up. Also, I'm going on vacation, so updates will be less frequent for about a week. I planning to continue this fic at least through Philip's death (spoiler alert), so we've still got some chapters to come! :)**

 **Chapter 10**

Angelica waited until her husband was sound asleep before slipping out of bed and tip-toeing down the hall to John's study. She quietly lit a lantern and sat down at the desk. Reaching into the desk's drawer, she pulled out a sheet of paper and a quill. She smoothed the paper onto the desk, then began writing, ink flowing out of the quill as she did.

Angelica always waited until late at night to write her letters- the reason being that she wasn't sure if John would approve of her writing to Alexander. She couldn't help it, though- her letters to Alexander were her only means of escaping the loveless life she was living now. It was 1791- she had been living in London for nine years, and she had wished to be in New York every day of it. She turned back to her letter, letting the words come naturally and weave themselves into a masterpiece nearly as good as Alexander's writing.

 _My dearest, Alexander,_

 _You are happy, my dear friend, to find consolation in words and thoughts. I cannot be so easily satisfied. Everyday, I think of you and my Eliza in America, and wish to return to the home I have known for so long. The pictures you paint of young Philip in your letters are not enough, I would like to gaze upon the face that I have only known as an infant. Eliza has written me a short letter inviting me to return to the city and stay upstate for the sticky summer; I assume you will partake in this excursion as well? I have not yet told the good news to John, but he will be pleasantly surprised and perhaps glad if I depart London for a summer. I have heard from him that you are in the midst a political struggle with Jefferson, a good friend of mine. I advise you to compromise soon, and to stand firm in your beliefs. I trust you know there is someone in London who wishes for you to succeed in your endeavors. Though I wish to see your face in person, I will let myself be satisfied with letters until I arrive in New York in June._

 _Adieu, dear brother_

 _Angelica Schuyler Church_

Angelica finished the last "h" in Church and then folded the letter and sealed it inside of an envelope. Just yesterday she had received Eliza's letter asking her to visit for the summer, and she had replied yes without hesitation. She knew John wouldn't mind, and it would mean the world to Eliza and Peggy if she came. Peggy had eloped with Stephen Van Rensselaer very soon after Angelica left for London, and the two were now living in a large manor in Albany, close to the Schuyler Mansion. Her two sisters were happily married, and Angelica was… Angelica was the sister who would never be satisfied. Alexander's words, but they fit Angelica perfectly.

Angelica tucked the letter under her arm and put away the quill, closing the desk drawer. She extinguished the lantern and crept out of the study, returning to the bedroom she shared with John. He was still sleeping, his tall form taking up most of the bed. She settled back underneath the blankets and closed her eyes, imagining summer in Albany and Alexander's eyes.

"I see New York! We're almost there," the whisper echoed through the ship, awakening children and adults in their cabins. Angelica, who was already up, was one of the first on the deck. Early morning sunbeams shot out from behind the island's skyline, creating brilliant hues in the sky. She gulped down tears- it was her first time seeing Manhattan in nine years. Soon enough, she would be seeing Eliza, and Philip, and… Alexander. Angelica wanted so badly to see Alexander's face again. She stood on the deck for the next hour, waiting for the boat to finally dock in New York harbor.

"Alright, everyone, gather your things and off we go!" a burly sailor shouted at the mob of passengers. Everyone was surging forward, trying to step on land for the first time in weeks. Angelica held back, grabbing her suitcase and bags from her cabin before exiting. She slowly stepped onto the solid ground, her legs shaking from being aboard a boat for so long. Her sea-legs nearly gave out, but she regained just enough strength to keep from falling. Pulling her suitcase, she stepped out into the street. And nearly got run over by a carriage.

Stumbling back to the sidewalk, Angelica pieced back together what had once been supreme knowledge of New York. The streets were bustling and the people rushing. Waving her hand out, she managed to get a coach to pull over. The driver glanced down at her, then motioned for her to get in. She was climbing up, when suddenly her mind reminded her of a different time- a different carriage, long ago.

 _"_ _This way, ladies," the carriage driver pointed up into the ornate carriage. Angelica followed Eliza in and took a seat between her two sisters._

Who could've thought that night would have changed her life so drastically?

"Well? Are you coming?" Angelica shook herself out of her memory, settling down in the coach,"Where to?"

"To- um…" Angelica's stomach sank. She hadn't a clue what Eliza and Alexander's new address was, "Do you have any idea where the Hamiltons reside?" The driver's eyebrows shot up, before he slowly nodded,"Good, that's where I'm going." He began to navigate through the crowded streets that had once been so familiar to Angelica. Memories came rushing back- luncheons and dances and weddings. As they headed towards the center of town, Angelica felt herself growing anxious. Anxious to see Eliza's face. Alexander's eyes. Philip's smile.

"Alright, here we are," said the driver, gesturing to a large townhouse squished between a couple of shops. Angelica thanked and paid the driver, sliding off the seat and grabbing her bags. She felt her heart speed up as she slowly walked to the door, blinking fast to stop the tears. She knocked twice and put on a smile, more than ready to face her sister's family.

"Angel!" Angelica heard her sister say the name as she opened the door, but when it was wide enough open that she could see her sister, she realized Eliza wasn't talking to her after all. The name was directed at a small young girl standing behind Eliza. Her hair was in ribboned pigtails, and she was fighting with a smaller boy standing beside her. Eliza turned away from the children, wearily facing the door.

"What is—," Eliza's face instantly transformed from a beaten-down mother to pure joy when she saw Angelica,"Angelica? Oh my goodness," she covered her mouth with her hands, tears creeping into the corner of her eye. Angelica felt tears begin to flow onto her face as well. She opened her arms, and Eliza ran into them. The two embraced tightly, and Angelica felt truly happy for the first time in nine years.

"Oh, Angel… it's been so long…" Eliza suddenly pulled away from the hug, as if she had just remembered something. She pointed at the children, who were watching the sisters curiously, "This is Angelica," Angelica felt an indescribable emotion rise up inside her as her niece scrutinized her namesake, "And this is Alexander Jr.,but we usually call him Alex. And Philip and James are with their father in the dining room right now." Angelica swept the two present children into a tight hug, her soft tears leaking onto their hair.

"I'm seven, and my name is Angie," the younger Angelica stated proudly once Angelica set them down.

"Well, I'm Alex, and I'm five years old," Alex cut in, smiling at his aunt. He had Alexander's sharp jawline, but Eliza's soft eyes. Angie, on the other hand, looked quite a bit similar to the older Angelica, in her opinion. They shared sharp eyes and a shining beauty. Looking at Angie was quite like gazing upon a smaller version of herself.

"Auntie Angelica!" Angelica turned at the cry to see a small boy toddling towards her, his arms opened, ready to hug someone,"I'm James, and I'm free years old," Angelica smiled at the small boys declaration, opening her own arms to receive his embrace. Over his head she saw the final child- the one she remembered only as an infant- Philip. He was the spitting image of his father, tall and proud, with intelligent eyes.

"Hi, Angelica," Philip said quietly, his lips forming a small grin. Angelica felt her heart melt with affection for the child, and pulled him tight against her. When she finally released the oldest child, she stood up, searching for one last face in the sea of Hamiltons. Finally, she laid her eyes on the father of the four beautiful children, watching the scene from the corner, his mouth curled into a proud smile. Stepping around James, Angelica rushed to Alexander, not trying to hide the tears in her eyes.

"The Schuyler sisters- reunited at last," Alexander spoke jokingly, but his eyes were sincere.

"Alexander…" Angelica wrapped her arms around him, and he returned the embrace,"It's good to see your face," Alexander laughed and Angelica felt her heart warm again. She was back, in New York, where she belonged.


	11. Chapter 11

**Yay! A new chapter. So, one thing about this- for some reason, in the Take a Break scene, I always imagined them dancing. So... that's how I wrote it. (: I'm not sure if it works or not, but yeah.**

 **Chapter 11**

Eliza watched their warm embrace, her mouth formed in a soft smile. Then, her face changed, the grin fading into a determined look.

"Angelica, tell this man, John Adams spends the summer with this family," she said to Angelica, staring pointedly at her husband, who looked away, red creeping onto his cheeks. Then, gathering himself, he faced Angelica.

"Angelica, tell my wife, John Adams doesn't have a real job, anyway," Alexander's eyes crinkled as he said the words, satisfied with his response. Angelica rolled her eyes at his jab at the vice president, then turned to Eliza, who was now staring daggers at her husband Realization came over Angelica all at once, and she sharply spun around to face Alexander.

"You're not joining us…? Wait," Angelica trailed off, hoping Alexander wouldn't respond how she thought he would.

"I'm afraid I cannot join you upstate,"

"Alexander, I came all this way," the words spilled out of Angelica, and she took his hands, forcing him to look her in the eye. She felt helpless.

"She came all this way!" Eliza was truly angry now. Her eyes, usually soft, were sharpened, focused on Alexander. Angelica felt the tension hanging in the air. Suddenly, a ridiculous idea struck her like lightning, and she pulled Alexander into a dancing position. His eyebrows shot up as she placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Take a break," she whispered the words and they hung in the air for a second as Eliza absorbed them. Then they drifted away, and Eliza cut into Angelica's spot, beginning an uncertain waltz with her husband.

"Run away with us for the summer, let's go upstate," Eliza spoke, her charming lilt making her words rise and fall like a song. Angelica cut back in, stepping into a lively swing dance, pulling Alexander around the foyer.

"We can all go stay with our father," Angelica pleaded, trying to meet his eyes, which, for once, were facing the floor, unsure of what to do.

"There's a lake," Eliza twirled by herself, her blue dress spinning in a wide circle.

"I know…" Alexander said uncertainly.

"And a nearby park!" Eliza twirled in between Angelica and Alexander, taking her husband's hands.

"I'd love to go," he sounded desperate now, to give any reason to stay in the city.

"You and I can go when the night gets dark…" Eliza was lost in her dreamlike dance with Alexander, pirouetting in circles around the front hall.

"Take a break," Angelica spoke the final, haunting words into the air, and the dance stopped, Alexander turning to both of the sisters.

"You know I have to get my plan through Congress. I can't stop until I get my plan through Congress," Alexander said, his voice monotone. With that, he turned from the hall and strode briskly out, Angelica and Eliza's eyes watching his back as he retreated.

Eliza turned to her sister, her eyes threatening to produce tears. "He… he's just so busy. He won't stop with… with everything," Angelica nodded, taking her sister into her arms, letting Eliza cry into her shoulder.

"It's okay. We'll take the children up and… it'll be fun. Okay, Eliza?" Angelica comforted her, and Eliza nodded through her tears, pulling herself off of Angelica. Eliza faced her, wiping the wetness off her face.

"Just us. Just like before," Eliza was smiling now, the sparkle returned to her eyes. She held her sister's hands, and the two just stood there, happiness between them, Alexander forgotten.

One week later, Eliza and the children had left for the Schuyler Mansion in Albany. Angelica was to join them soon, but she wanted to say goodbye to Alexander before she left. She set her bag down in the front hall, then slowly walked to the dining room, where Alexander was sitting in front of mounds of papers and scribbling endlessly. She sat down beside him, watching him write until he finally looked up, frustration evident in his eyes.

"That Jefferson, dang it!" Alexander looked back down at the paper, then, realizing Angelica was watching him, set the quill down and looked at her,"Shouldn't you be in Albany?"

"Shouldn't you?" Angelica countered, and he frowned, turning back to his papers.

"Jefferson just—" she held up a hand to stop him, then gently pushed the papers away.

"Alexander, I'm just saying goodbye," Angelica watched his eyes soften, then he pulled her into an embrace. She didn't speak, just let their arms around each other tell the story. Nine years ago, she might have wished to kiss him in this moment. But instead of the hunger she had felt when she first met him, she instead felt only gentle love and… pity. Pity for the man who would never stop. Who could never be satisfied. She pulled away and stood up, and Alexander blinked twice before pulling his stack of papers to him and beginning to write again. _Why does he write like that? Like he is running out of time?_ Angelica carefully stepped away from the table, then turned back to him.

"Alexander… don't do anything… rash while we're gone. Okay?" Alexander nodded back, his eyes still on the words. Angelica left the room quietly, grabbing her bags. She met the carriage in front of the home and settled down for the ride.

"Angelica!" Eliza called out when she finally arrived at the Schuyler Mansion. The two sisters seized each other, each drawing the other close. Angelica felt a small tug on her dress and turned to see Alex behind her, smiling up at his aunt.

"My grandpa is here," he said, pointing into the house. Alex raced up to the door, pulling it open, and Angie came out, followed by James, his mouth covered in food. Angelica smiled, trying to ignore the small tug in her mind- something was missing. Or, more accurately, someone. When Philip came out to greet her, she tried to ignore his bright eyes- a constant reminder of what his father put before family.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Angelica seated herself beside the elegant grand piano and watched as Philip sat down on the bench. Little James attempted to climb up next to his older brother but failed, his small arms flailing as he fell to the ground. Angie came and sat beside Philip, and the elder sibling began to move his fingers over the keys. He created a breathtaking melody, the notes soaring high before falling low and soft. Angie played a lower harmony next to him, and together they formed a magnificent song. Angelica was still amazed at their ability to create such amazing music from scratch, and she still enjoyed every second of the new songs they composed. As Philip finished, he slid off of the bench, turning to face his aunt.

"Thank you, Angelica," Philip said quietly. He was well-spoken and mature, and he always addressed Angelica as if they were both adults. Angie hopped off the bench after him, smiling widely at the older Angelica.

"Philip and I are going to play piano together when we grow up! And, Alex is going to sing for us and James play the tambourine," she announced, gesturing proudly to the other two siblings making their way to the piano. Angelica lips stretched into a grin as Alex and James smiled at their future band positions.

"We're even gonna go to France and play, because Philip can speak French," Alex stepped in front of the group and pronounced this new information, and Philip's cheeks warmed a little it.

"Can you, Philip?" questioned Angelica.

"Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf," Philip responded, singing the numbers like a song. Angelica heard a voice joining in from the other room, and turned to see Eliza floating in from the hallway, singing the numbers with Philip. Angelica almost joined in as a third voice, but watching their faces, she realized it was a special mother and son thing between the two of them.

"He needs to get a tutor to properly learn the language, but for now I'm satisfied with this," Eliza said, nodding to Philip. Angelica pushed down the thoughts bubbling up at the word satisfied- it only brought back memories of a day she hoped to soon forget.

"Alexander is fluent, I believe?" Angelica remembered this bit of information just in time to add it to the conversation, and Eliza nodded. Philip smiled proudly, and Angelica knew he wanted to learn the language so he could be like his father.

"Mama, Philip! There's a letter from Daddy!" Alex cried, interrupting their talk. Angelica smiled sadly and let the family congregate around the newly arrived letter. Eliza read it out loud to the children, and they laughed in delight at the words.

"Angel, I'm worried," Angelica heard her sister's voice behind her and turned, putting down the brush she had been using to untangle her curly hair. Eliza was standing in the doorway, holding the letter from Alexander.

"What is it, Eliza?" she stepped to her sister and gave her a hug, before pulling her down to sit on the bed.

"It's Alex. He… there's something wrong with his letter. It's rushed, and there are mistakes, and I just don't know…" she trailed off, and Angelica pulled her closer, taking the letter and fingering it gently. She didn't read the words, and instead looked in her sister's eyes and smiled.

"Eliza, he's probably just worried about Jefferson and his plan. He's under a lot of stress," Angelica said, brushing her sister's hair out of her face.

"I guess so… " Eliza hugged her sister, then took the letter and stood up,"Thank you, Angelica. You don't know how much you coming here means to me," Angelica watched her sister's eyes soften, and Angelica smiled back at her. Then, turning from her, Eliza quietly left the room, letter in hand. As she left, Angelica spun to face the wall, not wanting Eliza to know that she was nervous about Alexander too. _He always has words on his side. Why is he writing differently now?_

"Auntie Angelica! We're going back to Daddy today!" Angie cried out, her small voice echoing throughout the house. Angelica swept down the stairs, bag in hand, and walked to the source of the voice. She gave Angie a hug, then stepped behind her, searching for the rest of the children. She located them in the living room, fighting over a shoe.

"Philip! Alex! James!" she called. Philip snapped to attention, taking his eyes off of his siblings' fight. Alex turned around, exasperated, the coveted shoe clearly not in his hand. James, on the other hand, turned triumphantly to face his aunt, shoe in hand,"I'm leaving today, and after we visit your father I won't be seeing you for a while," Angelica felt the underlying pain in her words, but tried to keep it under control. She watched Philip's eyes, perceptive as his fathers, searching her face for a break in the emotional wall she had built. _London…_ Angelica stepped towards the children, engulfing the two younger boys in a tight embrace. Then, turning to Philip, she took a deep breath and whispered something in his ear. The boy nodded, and the two of them stepped into a small parlor beside the living room.

"Angelica, do you love my father?" Philip's voice was small, but he was staring intently at his aunt. Angelica felt shame creeping into her, but she pushed it back down and tried to keep her breathing under control.

"I— I do. In a sisterly way," Angelica said quickly. And it was true- she loved him like a brother. But… there was a small part of her… a part that she had twisted and pushed deep inside herself and smothered with lies. A small part that yearned for the day he had connected his lips to hers and she hadn't felt regret.

"I think… I think my mother loves you very much. And so does my father," Philip spoke, each word calculated. Angelica felt a pang in her side- Eliza. The innocent victim who gave out more love than she had ever received. Slowly, she knelt down and looked directly into Philip's eyes.

"Philip, you must know… I would never do anything to hurt your mother. And… your father, I—" Philip cut her off.

"Angelica, it's okay. I know," Angelica watched his eyes, and she knew he was being truthful. He understood, as much as a nine-year old could understand love. Angelica pulled him into one more tight hug, then turned and walked briskly out. She blocked out the small thoughts of Alexander and Philip slithering into her mind, and instead focused on leaving the Schuyler Mansion. She didn't want to say goodbye to Eliza- or any of them for the matter. But she had to. John was expecting her in London, as he wrote in his incredibly plain-written letters to her. They were nothing like the web of words woven when Alexander wrote. But she must not compare the two- one was decidedly off limits. Angelica walked to the front hall, her bag growing heavier with each step.

"Eliza, the coach has arrived. I'm to leave in a minute," Angelica's words fell flat as she desperately tried to convey how she wanted to stay. Eliza smiled sympathetically, pulling her sister into her arms. The older sister felt her calm demeanor fall to the ground and began sobbing, her shoulders shaking against her sister's. Eliza just held her, and Angelica felt what she had just days before grasped so solidly slip away from her into the afternoon air.

"Here, please," Angelica said, trying to keep her voice from faltering. The driver stopped the coach and let her out, his eyes clearly amazed at the size of the Hamilton house. Angelica stepped onto the gravel path, her legs shaking as she made her way up to the door. She knocked twice, then leaned back against the wall, setting her suitcase down. Exhaustion from the past few months was creeping into her, and she felt dizzy inside. A few moments later, Alexander answered the door, his long hair disheveled and his eyes darting around dangerously. When he saw Angelica, he drew a short breath before relaxing and pulling the door all the way open.

"Oh, hi, Angelica," he spoke quickly and nervously, and Angelica felt suspicion growing in the pit of her stomach.

"Um, Alexander, I just came to say goodbye. I am sailing off to London. Today," Angelica's tone matched his in nervousness. Just as before, she didn't want to go to London. The three months of summer in Albany had been heavenly, but now she knew she had to return to reality.

"Okay, goodbye then…?" Alexander was searching for what to say, but he couldn't quite find the words. Angelica watched him flounder. It was quite a sight- the man who had wrapped language around his finger struggling to speak to his sister-in-law.

"Goodbye Alexander. Be good to Eliza," Angelica said quietly, and she turned from the door. Saying goodbye seemed to be the only thing she was doing lately. Alexander shut the door, and she slowly walked back out to the coach, trying not to think of London and John.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Six years later, Angelica stood on the bow of a ship, her dress whipping left and right in the wind and her long hair following suit. In her hand, she clutched a small pamphlet, the writing weaving a tale Angelica couldn't bear to read. She held the papers up, her heart pounding in her chest, and released them into the wind. Some caught the breeze and sailed away, and some sank slowly to the ocean. Angelica turned and walked back to her cabin, her heart unfeeling and her eyes dark.

When the boat finally docked itself in New York Harbor, Angelica was restless. She gathered her things, trying not to remember a time not so long ago when she had done this very thing, hoping to see Alexander. She put all thoughts of him away now, and instead thought only of Eliza. Angelica conjured a picture of Eliza crying, alone, in her bedroom, and she hurried, exiting the ship and hurrying to call a coach. After a ride that seemed to stretch into oblivion, Angelica stepped off, thanked the driver, and ran up to the door, knocking twice. Minutes later a small shadow pulled open the door, and Angelica felt her heart shatter into a million pieces.

"Eliza, oh Eliza. Come here," Angelica swept her sister into her arms, letting the smaller sister cry onto her shoulder. The two collapsed to the floor, their dresses pooling beneath them. Eliza fell onto Angelica, her shoulders shaking as tears rushed out onto the floor. Angelica held her, staying silent, but not stopping her own tears from falling. After Eliza let herself cry on her sister for a while, she looks up, using her fingers to wipe aside some of the tears.

"Angel… what did I do? Why am I not enough?" her voice broke on the last syllable and the tears came again, steadily flowing down her face and dropping to the floor.

"Shh… Eliza, you're enough for me. And Peggy, and Philip, and Angie, and Alex, and James," Angelica pulled Eliza closer, and her wet tears stained Angelica's neck. Eliza shook violently against her chest, and Angelica whispered softly, trying to get her to calm down,"Alexander… he will never be satisfied," Angelica almost felt bad, using his own words against him, but she quickly pushed the feeling away. Eliza stopped shaking at her words, before nodding fiercely, tears still streaming down her face, but quieter now. The sisters leaned together and cried, letting their tears do the talking. Angelica felt something rise inside of her, an anger she had never experienced before. She wanted to hurt the man who had hurt her sister so badly.

When Eliza finally pulled away, Angelica placed her hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eye,"Where is he?" Eliza glanced away, tears welling in her eyes, before wiping them away and turning to face Angelica.

"Downtown, drinking with his friends, probably," she said bitterly, her eyes cold and angry. Angelica nodded, then pointed to the living room.

"You lie down on the sofa. I'll be back soon," Before she could comprehend what she was doing, Angelica was leaving her sister's house and walking out onto the street. She got a ride and asked for the Liberty Tavern, the same place she had gone on Eliza's wedding night. It seemed cruel for Alexander to be there, yet somehow she knew he would be. When they arrived she hopped off, her heart beating irregularly fast as she pulled open the door and stepped inside.

She saw them immediately, huddled around a small table. Lafayette, John, and Hercules were all there , and Alexander was in the middle of it, his eyes down. When she stepped in, he glanced up, and his eyes widened. He waited for her to come to their table, and when she arrived he stood up.

"Angelica…" Alexander trailed off, his eyes filled with shame.

"All the way from London? Damn!"Angelica turned to see Thomas Jefferson and James Madison seated at a nearby table, their eyes greedily taking in the situation. She ignored them and turned back to Alexander, her eyes dangerously sharp. Before she could speak, though, Alexander cut in frantically, trying to explain before she exploded.

"It was an act of political sacrifice!" he practically yelled. Angelica snorted, watching him fail to give a reason. _So he's trying to explain the pamphlet. And not the affair. He just pushed aside the adultery part like it's nothing._ Stepping closer to him, she opened her mouth and began to speak.

"Sacrifice…?" her voice was soft, but it wavered dangerously, "I languished in a loveless marriage in London, I lived only to read your letters. I look at us and think, 'God what've we done with our lives and what did it get us?' That doesn't wipe the tears or the years away, but I'm back in the city and I'm here to stay, and you know what I'm here to do?" she trailed off, posing the very rhetorical question for the taken aback Alexander.

"Angelica…" he said tentatively, his eyes, once proud, unable to meet Angelica's.

"I'm not here for you. I know my sister like I know my own mind, you will never find anyone as trusting or as kind. And a million years ago, she said to me, 'This one's mine,' Angelica let the sentence sink in, drawing herself tall and proud and standing directly in front of him, meeting his eyes,"So I stood by. Do you know why? I love my sister more than anything in this life, I will choose her happiness over mine every time!"Angelica was shouting now, her voice filling the tavern and turning heads. Alexander looked incredibly small and timid, and his friends were watching him, helpless. Suddenly, realizing the situation, Lafayette came to Angelica and gently grasped her arm, but she kept talking,"Put what we had aside!" Definitely more head turns here, and an "Oooh" from Jefferson," I'm standing at her side. You could never be satisfied, God I hope you're satisfied!" Lafayette was practically dragging her out now, and Alexander stared at her, his eyes lost and small. Angelica refused to face him and let herself be taken out by Lafayette before turning and fleeing the tavern, not wanting Lafayette to see the small tears dripping from her eyes.

Exactly two weeks after Angelica confronted Alexander, Eliza came to her in the middle of the night, her face soaked in tears, and told her something that made her stomach twist into an unpleasant knot.

"Angel, I'm pregnant."

Angelica stayed with Eliza for the next couple months. She took her time recovering, and Eliza barely saw her husband during the long stretch of time. Peggy came to visit, cursing Alexander's name and bringing her large collection of letters from him, which she wanted to burn. Angelica stopped her and instead hid the letters away in the attic, along with years worth of Alexander's correspondence with Eliza. The sisters spent long days with the children, who played outside even in the summer heat. Philip finally received the tutoring in French he had wanted for so long, and soon enough he was nearing fluency. Alexander came to visit once a week, pleading forgiveness from the two women. Angelica shook her head every time, but on the fifth week Eliza let herself fall into his arms before pushing away back to Angelica. The older sister knew it was progress, but it would take time to heal, more time than Alexander was willing to give, it seemed.

Angelica let herself fall into the daily routine of the Hamilton family, bathing the children, fixing meals, and scrubbing dishes. Eliza tried futilely to stop her, but Angelica became the woman of the house while Eliza was unable to function. A month into her life with them Angie approached her, her thirteen-year old face twisted into a questioning look.

"Aunt Angelica, why has Dad been gone for so long?" Angelica the older panicked a bit at the question. All had been explained to Philip, but Eliza had kept the four others in the dark (a fifth child, John Church, named lovingly after Angelica's husband, had been born five years prior, when Angelica was still in London).

"Angie, he's very busy with work right now…" Angelica said cautiously, but the young girl saw right through her lies and stepped closer to her aunt.

"Philip told me that he did something very bad and that's why Mother won't speak to him," Angelica cringed at the looseness of the statement, but Angie seemed to know too much already to try to keep on pretending.

"Look, Angelica: your father, he was with another woman. While we were in Albany six summers ago. And, he published a pamphlet to the public explaining what happened," It was the simplest way to tell it, but it didn't capture the horridness of the whole situation. Angie nodded, as if it was something to be told casually on a Sunday evening walk. Angelica watched her leave the room in wonder, for she seemed to show no anger towards her father nor sympathy to her mother.

In August of 1797, Eliza gave birth to the sixth child, a rosy-cheeked boy who looked painfully similar to his father. He was called William Stephen, and he was poked and prodded for weeks by the other children before they accepted him as one of their own. Philip, now fifteen, was the unofficial father of his siblings who saw so little of their true father. Angelica watched the children laugh and cry and fight together, and she saw the hopeful beginnings of a bond as strong as she had with Eliza and Peggy.

One night in late September, Angelica was putting the last of the children to bed when the ringing of the from doorbell interrupted her thoughts. She headed downstairs and answered the door, wondering who it might be. When she opened it and saw the visitor, she nearly had a heart attack.

"Angelica…" Alexander was standing on the doorstep, looking very small and guilty,"I know I already came this week, but I wanted to come again." Angelica frowned but let him in.

"Very well, then. The children are already sleeping, so don't disturb them," Alexander nodded.

"I just want to talk to Eliza," he said, his eyes pleading with Angelica. She took him in, from his begging face to the rest of his thin form. Then, gesturing to the living room, she headed upstairs to get her sister.

"Angelica? What is it?" Eliza said groggily, rubbing her eyes. Angelica flipped on the lights and gently pulled Eliza out of bed.

"It's Alexander. He's here." Eliza frowned and glanced towards the door, "Downstairs," Angelica added hurriedly, and Eliza followed her as the two made their way to the living room, where Alexander sat patiently, his hands folded in his lap. When he saw Eliza he jumped up, and Eliza flinched, drawing closer to Angelica.

"What do you want, Alex?" Eliza asked, her voice shaking. Alexander stared at the sisters for a few seconds before coming to his senses.

"Eliza, I just—"

"Save it, Alex," Eliza said sharply, turning away, "First you ruin our lives, then your run out on us and leave your Angelica and I to take care of six children," Alexander's eyes flickered at the word six, and Eliza said bitterly, "Yes, there's another. Did you even notice?" Alexander looked down, ashamed, and Angelica pulled her sister closer, staring down Alexander.

"You should go," Angelica took Eliza's hand and led her back upstairs, fuming inside. When she returned downstairs, Alexander was still standing there, looking lost. When he saw Angelica, he looked up and began frantically speaking.

"Angelica, can I meet him? I didn't know—" Angelica cut him off.

"He's sleeping. Go home, Alexander," Angelica said tiredly, not wanting to face him. Alexander watched, helpless, as Angelica left him there, and neither noticed the tears welling in the corners of both of their eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Angelica stood by Eliza's bed, a letter in hand. She frowned at Peggy's shaking handwriting, and the frown only deepened as she got to the end of the letter. Eliza looked up from where she was sitting in bed and set down her book.

"What is it, Angel?" Angelica quickly folded the letter and tucked it away.

"Nothing, Eliza. Just Peggy," she said softy, smiling at her sister. Eliza frowned and stuck her hand out for the letter. Angelica reluctantly gave it to her, biting her lip. Her sister took it and opened it slowly, her eyes skimming the words. When she was done, she looked up, pain in her eyes.

"Angelica, we have to do something…" Eliza trailed off, clenching the letter between her hands.

"There's nothing we can do but hope she'll recover and visit her," Angelica stated, taking her younger sister's hand, "She's strong. She can do it," Eliza turned away, wiping her eyes.

"Maybe one day it will all get better," Eliza said, her voice flat. Angelica felt her heart wrench with anger at Alexander and hope for Peggy.

Eliza and Angelica visited their third sister every month, and each time her condition only seemed to worsen. By January of 1801 her skin was ashen and her eyes were bloodshot. She spoke little and was confined to bed all of the day. When the sisters could not visit, Alexander watched over her, and she seemed to forgive him for what he had done. It hurt Angelica to see little Peggy, once lively and loud, broken and unable to live her life. Angelica knew there was little hope Peggy would survive, but she still pushed away those thoughts and focused on recovery.

One Monday, Angelica was watching the younger children- Elizabeth Holly, who was two years old, and William, who was four. Philip was nineteen years old now, and was in school at Columbia College, where Alexander had also attended. The others were roaming about the house. The mail was delivered, and Angelica's heart skipped a beat when she saw a letter from Alexander to Eliza, who wasn't home. Angelica knew she shouldn't open it, but she did anyway, curious as to what Alexander was writing about.

 _My angel Eliza,_

 _It is with deepest regret that I inform you of a terrible event that has come to pass. On Saturday, my dear Eliza, your sister took leave of her sufferings and friends, I trust, to find repose and happiness in a better country. She is a great loss to this world and I know that this news will come as a terrible shock to you and your Angelica. I shall come to visit your residence soon, and we may grieve this passing together. I should hope you will not shun my company on this sorrowful day._

 _Adieu,_

 _A. Hamilton_

Angelica fell onto the sofa, clutching the letter tightly. Thoughts raced through her mind and she pushed them aside, instead rereading the words hoping they might vanish off the page. Peggy, dead? She tried not to think of her youngest sister's lively eyes and beautiful face, but failed miserably. As she stared at the letter, tears ran down her face, but she was oblivious to the wetness on her cheeks. William crept onto her lap, confused.

"Angie? Angelica?" He wiped the tears from her face and smeared them on his own, his usually happy face transforming into a sad look. Angelica wrapped her arms around the boy, unable to find words to speak to him. All she could think of were Peggy's eyes drifting shut for the last time, with only Alexander by her side.

Angelica and Eliza wept endlessly for the next week. They went to Peggy's home to arrange a funeral, but Angelica found herself unable to enter the room where her sister's cold body lay. Alexander acted as an emotional support for the two, and also cared for the children. For once, Angelica let down her guard around him and just let Alexander hold her and Eliza as they cried. She couldn't be angry at him, not when he held her hand and they embraced and he wiped away her tears…

The children cried when they found out, and Philip didn't speak for a while. Alexander comforted them like he did for the sisters, and Eliza was grateful. Months passed by and the sisters finally grew into a state of acceptance, though Angelica still cried at night when she imagined Peggy. Alexander and Angelica began to write each other again, though they were frequently together. Eliza was still wary around Alexander, but they began to grow closer than they had since the Reynolds Pamphlet.

"Father!" Philip stormed into the house, his bright eyes alight with fire. Alexander rose from his seat at the dining room table and calmly spoke.

"What is it, Philip?"

"This fool— his name's George Eacker I believe, was speaking at the celebrations. At first he was alright, but two minutes into the speech all he's talking about is how you are a scoundrel and a disgrace to America! I could hardly stand his bumbling talk, but I did not speak up. Something must be done!" Philip shouted this all out very rapidly before collapsing into a chair. Angelica was surprised- Philip was eloquent like his father, but he usually spoke in a calm and collected manner. Now, however, his tone was harsh and urgent and his words angry.

"Calm down, Philip," Alexander said quietly. By now, he was used to people talking badly about him- especially after the affair. Surprisingly, he was now able to take insults where years ago he might have exploded.

"He's a disgrace," spat Philip, "And I wish to duel him, but I will not yet," Eliza's face went white and she glanced nervously at Alexander, who quickly spoke to Philip.

"Philip…" Alexander said, but he had already retreated from the room, most likely to fume about George Eacker. The three adults turned together, worry present in their eyes.

Months passed without incident, and Angelica put thoughts of Philip and George Eacker aside. Eliza and she passed the time reading, writing, and watching the children. Elizabeth Holly spoke her first sentence and began to walk. Angie began to court a man whom Alexander did not approve of. And Philip grew more and more similar to his father, writing every spare second he had and fighting anyone who disagreed with him or his father. It seemed he would never stop, until one day in November, Philip came home to Alexander as angry as the first time he heard George Eacker speak.

"Father! I've had enough with that damned fool George Eacker! I'm going to duel him on the twenty-third of this month," Philip proclaimed to a shocked Alexander in the front hall. Eliza was upstairs, blissfully unaware of the situation. Angelica watched nervously from around the corner, out of sight from both the men. Philip, once again, sounded angry and not at all like his usual self. She knew that this state would lead to him making rash decisions.

"Slow down, did your friends attempt to negotiate a peace?" Alexander asked, concerned. Angelica prayed he would not allow Philip to duel.

"He refused to apologize, we had to let the peace talk cease," Philip responded. Alexander sighed and began talking to his son in a quiet voice, too soft for Angelica to hear. Then he pointed to his study and the two stepped in the room, presumably to talk more about the duel. Angelica waited for her heartbeat to finally slow to a reasonable pace, then closed her eyes and sank to the floor. _Do not die, Philip. Your mother cannot take it._


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Angelica was reading, a cup of tea balanced precariously on her left knee, when a loud knock on the door drew her to the foyer.

"Mrs. Angelica Church?" A frantic man stood in the door frame, twiddling his fingers and jiggling his leg. Angelica nodded to the man, who pointed outside to a coach parked in the street.

"What is it?" she asked, confused, as the man ushered her out.

"Alexander Hamilton has summoned you to the hospital. Immediately,"Angelica sat down in the coach, growing nervous inside.

"Do you know why?"

"No, but we must hurry," the man replied, and Angelica settled down, her heart beating abnormally. _Is it Philip? Or…_ h _eaven forbid, Eliza?_ She tried to calm herself, but her mind was only bombarded with images of Alexander crying over Eliza, her dead eyes pointed toward the ceiling. Or both parents watching in horror as Philip's chest stopped rising. Her breathing quickly sped up, and she had to focus all of her energy on not having a panic attack in the coach. When they finally arrived at the hospital, Angelica was gripping the door handle, her fingers white.

"Hurry, Mrs. Church," Angelica quickly exited the coach, swinging her legs over the edge and jumping down. The man guided her into the hospital, the white walls forming a labyrinth that even Angelica didn't try to remember. She was beginning to think they would never find the Hamiltons when they reached a small door with a paper sign reading 'Hamilton.' Angelica braced herself as the man pushed open the door, hoping that she would not find anything unbearable.

Nothing, however, could have prepared Angelica for the scene before her.

A weeping Eliza was in a heap on the floor, her fingertips stained with blood. Alexander stood, stoic, over his son, mumbling words to himself and Philip, his intelligent eyes, for once, at a loss. But Angelica swept over all of this, and her eyes came to rest on the small figure laying on the cot- Philip. His curly hair was spread out behind his head, and his lips were formed in the smallest of grins. Angelica's eyes crept down to his stomach, where a wound originating from his right hip had blossomed. Dried blood stained his clothing, and a dark red liquid was bubbling from the wound. Angelica couldn't bring herself to gaze upon his eyes, but she knew they would be empty and emotionless. As the realization of what had happened finally came to her, she fell to the ground beside Eliza, letting out a small scream that drew neither parent's attention. She slowly crawled to the side of the cot and took one of Philip's limp hands. It was cold, and his wrist offered no pulse. She closed her eyes and sank back to the floor, wishing the horrible picture in front of her would dissolve into nothing more than a dream.

Two weeks later, Angelica moved back in with her husband, who had recently joined her in America. She knew it was the right thing to do- she had to give her sister and her husband the space they deserved. She joined her two children- Philip and Catherine, whom she felt guilty for neglecting for all these years she had been in New York. The children had never met Philip or any of their cousins, still cried and visited the family, trying to cheer up the Hamilton children. Every time she saw Philip, though, it took all her willpower not to think of the late Philip with his limbs splayed on a hospital cot.

Angelica saw little of Eliza or Alexander during the next couple weeks, but she did learn that the family would be moving uptown to better cope with the loss. She kissed the children goodbye and comforted Angie, who had sunk into a state of depression. Angie needed therapy badly, but then again, so did all of the Hamiltons. Angelica dreamed of Peggy and Philip together in a better place.

"Mother? Can we visit the cousins?" Catherine asked, brushing her curly hair out of her dark eyes. Angelica smiled sadly at her daughter.

"Maybe, sweetie,"

"Please, Mom?" Philip came in from the other room, his eyes pleading with Angelica's conscience. Angelica sighed and then nodded. The Hamilton children needed company. The children scrambled to get ready, and Angelica ordered a coach. When the trio arrived at the Hamilton house uptown, Angelica bit her lip at the sight of the drawn curtains and dark house. Eliza rarely left the house, unless it was to garden or go for a walk.

Angelica knocked thrice on the wooden door, and was met with the slim figure of Eliza, shrouded in a dress the color of night. She sucked in a breath when she saw her sister's eyes, broken and framed with black to match her dress.

"Hello, Eliza," the older sister said quietly, and the two embraced. When Eliza finally pulled away, Angelica could see the pain blooming in her eyes.

"Angelica…"

"Are the children home? Where has Alexander run off to?" she tried to offer some sort of conversation, but Eliza just gulped it down and turned away. It hurt Angelica to see her sister in pain like this, and she knew her sister had lost some vital part when Philip passed.

"They're upstairs," Eliza said, gesturing up the grand staircase. Angelica nodded and pointed philip and Catherine up,"And Alexander's walking."

"I see," Angelica said carefully, glancing back out the door, "You— you should join him."

Eliza looked alarmed, "Why?"

"Because… because you need to speak to him," Angelica knew the words would hurt her sister, but her gut was telling her to do this. Eliza stopped moving for a second, then turned to face Angelica, her eyes pained.

"I want to—," she stopped, tears welling in her eyes, "I want to forgive him." Angelica's breath hitched and she forced herself to smile. Because this was what she had been waiting for. Forgiveness. Eliza took Angelica's hand and squeezed it, then turned to the door and stepped out. Once she left, Angelica collapsed into a chair and slowed her breathing. She imagined Eliza and Alexander, standing side by side, the former slightly shaking. She imagined her sister turning to Alexander and speaking three small words. She imagined Alexander wiping a tear from his eye and holding his wife's hand. And then she just stared off into the distance, a single tear creeping its way down her cheek. Because every time she saw Alexander, she wanted to forgive him. She wanted to say the words, and let it be just like before. But every time, when she almost let him back in, something in her heart stopped her. Because she couldn't. Because the one thing she could not give to Alexander was forgiveness.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Eliza returned from her walk with Alexander with newfound hope in her eyes. She was no longer a stoic and grieving wife, though she still did dress in black. Alexander returned happier than he had been in years, and with some of the old spark back in his eyes. However, Angelica could still see the pain behind both of their eyes, and she knew the Hamiltons were an irreversibly changed family. There was hope, though, that hadn't been present before.

The eighth and final Hamilton child was born on June 1, 1802. Angelica cried when she found out his name- Philip. The child was so similar in looks to the elder Philip that it was difficult for any adult to care for him without bursting into tears. Phil, as he was called, grew into the family and joined the ranks of Hamilton children. Angelica was beginning to have a spark of hope that maybe- just maybe- things would turn out all right.

Angelica heard a knock on her door and quickly rose to get it. John was home, however, he was working and too engrossed to notice something like the door knocker.

Wondering vaguely who it could be, she grasped the handle and pulled open the wooden door. When she saw Alexander standing there, his slim frame leaning against the wall, she bit her lip and very nearly rolled her eyes. Her heart sped up a little, which she tried to ignore.

"Alexander? What are you doing here?"

"I— there's something I need to talk with you about," Alexander stated nervously.

"All right. Shall we sit?" Angelica responded, trying to read his vague look. The pair settled on two chairs opposite each other in the sitting room, and Angelica fought hard not to think about how similar it was to the night of his wedding.

"Angelica…" Alexander breathed in, closing his eyes, then opened them slowly and looked her directly in the eye, "I want to die."

"What?" Angelica was fairly certain her heart stopped beating. She looked at Alexander in horror, thoughts rushing through her head.

"Wait, Angelica, let me explain—" Alexander said, looking alarmed at Angelica's reaction.

"No, Alexander. Is this because of Philip? You know, you dying won't bring him back," Words were tumbling out of Angelica's mouth, but she barely heard them, thinking of only one thing- Alexander wanted to die. The living world was not enough.

"Ange—"

"Alexander, think of what will happen to Eliza if you die. And what about the children? Where did this notion come from, really? I—"

"Angelica!" Alexander thundered, the old fire blazing in his eyes. Angelica stopped speaking, startled, and raised one eyebrow at him, "It's not like that. I'm not… I'm not going to take my own life," Angelica sucked in a breath of relief, then cocked her head to the side. _What does he want, then?_

"Alex—"

"Angelica! Let me speak!" Alexander was staring her down, so she managed to push the words on the tip of her tongue back down, "Burr has challenged me to a duel. At dawn, in Weehawken. In seven days. And if he shoots me— I will not run. I do not intend to shoot him," Alexander stated this all while looking Angelica directly in the eye. She tried not to scream at him and leaned back against the chair. She didn't want him to die- no matter how much she thought she hated him. After a minute she looked up, inhaling slowly.

"It will kill Eliza," Eliza was strong, but no one was strong enough to take the loss she had been through, added to the death of his or her spouse.

"Eliza… I don't deserve her. She'd be better off without me," Alexander said, shame in his eyes.

"That's not true! You may have done some…" Angelica took a breath, "Dishonorable things. But Eliza still loves you. Which…" She felt herself breaking down, tears welling in her eyes, though she pushed them down," Which I don't understand. But she loves you, and the children love you, and I—" Angelica stopped, her words tumbling to a stop as she considered her next ones, "And I need you, Alexander." Alexander looked down and didn't speak for a moment, and Angelica wondered if she had rendered him speechless. But no—

"Angelica… years ago, when I proposed to Eliza, there was a part of me that wondered if I chose the wrong sister. I wanted you, and I knew you wanted me. But I also knew you loved your sister very much. And now… now I know I chose right. Because I needed Eliza to love like a wife and I needed you to love like a sister. Like a friend. And I need you to support me now. Please, Angelica," His eyes were pleading, but behind them Angelica caught a glimpse of what she saw that first night, the fiery, intelligent passion. Angelica didn't want him to die, that was true. But she knew, in the depths of her heart and mind, that this was not her decision. That Alexander could never be stopped. Or satisfied. So she drew herself tall, and looked him in the eye.

"If it is what you want, I will not tell Eliza," Angelica said, her voice slightly shaking but her mind firm. Alexander smiled grimly and nodded, then stood up and let himself out. As he left, Angelica vaguely wondered if she had made the right decision. But she shook off her doubts, and carried on with her day, trying to ignore the countdown in her chest. _Seven days._

 **One more chapter, I think. Thanks to all who are reading, it means a lot to me! (:**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

 _1._

Angelica stood in the kitchen, trying to wash dishes into oblivion. She closed her eyes and tried not to imagine Alexander stepping off the boat, eyeing Burr.

 _2._

She dropped a plate, muttered a string of curses, then began sweeping up the fragments. She knew who Alexander's second was- a lawyer named Nathaniel Pendleton.

 _3._

John came in, dressed in nightclothes.

"Angelica? It's dawn. Why are you washing dishes?" Angelica didn't answer. She looked out the window and wondered if Alexander was contemplating the land and his options.

 _4._

Catherine, awakened by the sound of the broken plate, entered the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. She frowned at her mother and then asked her father for food. Angelica imagined herself in Alexander's place, gazing over New York City as the sun began to rise.

 _5._

John gently grabbed her arm, pulling her back to bed, but she resisted. _Weehawken, New Jersey_. A sudden realization came to her- that was where Philip died. Angelica's heart dropped at the thought of Philip, alone, aiming for the sky.

 _6._

Angelica knew that Hamilton would be examining the pistols given to him by her husband. John had agreed to let him use them for the duel. They each had a hair-trigger feature used to fire easier. Alexander would have to decide to use it or not.

 _7._

She had tried to think of Burr as a faceless monster who would shoot her Alexander, but she just couldn't. He was a man too. A man with a family.

 _8._

John gave up and left her in the kitchen, staring vaguely out the window. Her heart was pounding like a hammer, and it showed no intention of stopping. Angelica set down the plate she had been scrubbing.

 _9._

A sickening realization hit her like lighting. _I have to stop him. He's going to die._ She dropped everything and swiftly headed for the door, skirts sweeping behind her. _Alexander, don't do this. Shoot him. Don't leave us._ She called a coach, panic overwhelming her.

 _10._

The moment hit her like a punch to the gut. She took in a small breath, then collapsed. _Alexander._ She knew he was shot. Already dead, or dying. _Eliza_. Angelica knew someone would tell Eliza soon. They would visit him and speak with him, if he hadn't died instantly. Slowly, she pulled herself back up. _Life goes on_. She didn't cry, but her heart wrenched for what could have been.

Hours later, Eliza arrived, in tears, at her door. The two embraced, Eliza's shaking shoulders piercing Angelica's stone heart. They stepped into the coach, and asked for the home of William Baynard, where Alexander had been taken . Angelica stared straight ahead, trying to control her breathing. Eliza prayed, and without thinking about it Angelica joined her. _Please._ _For Eliza._ They arrived at the grand house and exited the coach, Eliza leaning on Angelica and Angelica caring them unsteadily towards the door. A servant greeted them and took them up to the room where Alexander lay. The two stopped before entering, an uneasy silence filling the hallway.

"Angel?" Eliza looked up at her older sister, her face stricken, "What if he's dead?" Angelica shook her head furiously and pulled her sister closer. Tears started falling down Eliza's face. But still, Angelica did not cry. She slowly pushed the door open, closing her eyes slightly so as to mask the severity of what lie beyond the door. But, as before, she couldn't prepare herself for the sight of Alexander before her.

He laid on a large bed, his back bent at a strange angle. Blood was everywhere, staining the sheets below him and the dark attire he wore. His eyes were open, his mouth set in a final grimace. Eliza screamed loud enough to wake the dead and fell on top of her husband.

"Alexander, Alexander! Oh, Lord, don't die, Alexander," Eliza quieted down suddenly, and just let her tears fall on Alexander's wound. Angelica felt herself growing sick inside at the sight of him. She breathed quickly and deeply, staying back, watching the husband and wife.

"Eliza. I'm sorry. For everything," Alexander said slowly, his voice sounding disconnected. Eliza only cried louder at this, telling Alexander it was all right, that all he had to do was stay alive.

"He's paralyzed," Angelica turned to see a tall doctor pressed against the wall, gazing upon the scene without emotion, "If he survives, which is very unlikely, he will never walk again." Eliza screamed again, and the sound cut through Angelica's heart. She stumbled forward, to Alexander, and before she could stop herself she kissed him on the forehead, frantically eyeing his face.

"Angelica," he croaked, reaching up and putting his hand on her face. Angelica didn't speak, just watched him, "I apologize to you as well. For— for," he coughed, and Angelica was alarmed to see dark red blood exit his lips.

"Stop, don't talk, Alexander, you'll only hurt yourself—" Angelica said quickly, crouching down to be at Alexander's level.

"No, Angelica. Words—" he formed his face in a crooked smile, "words are my escape. Don't take that from me," Angelica fought back a laugh, because it was true- it would be fitting for Alexander Hamilton to go out armed with only his words, "Listen, Eliza, Angelica. I don't deserve you in my life. But, I am eternally thankful that you both were willing to be with me. While I lived. And—"

"And you still shall live!" cut in Eliza, frantically taking Alexander's hands, "I won't let you die."

"Eliza…" Alexander smiled, then bit his lip, "I'm not going to live." he sounded determined, and Angelica knew that even if he could be saved, he wouldn't want to be. She took Eliza's hand and gripped it tightly, and the two sisters just sat there, watching Alexander, "I want you to tell Burr… that I don't blame him. And you should not hate him. I want someone to stop Jefferson from making my death sound like a miracle. And, tell the children I love them.." he faded off a bit, and Angelica tensed up, panicked, but then he came to, blinking like he wasn't aware where he was.

"Alexander," Angelica said suddenly, her heart beating fast. She had to say the words. Before he died, she had to tell him, "Alexander, I forgive you. You're forgiven." As soon as she said them, it was like a huge, crushing weight had been removed from her chest. Finally, she could breathe. Alexander smiled, surprised, and a tear began to make its way down his cheek. Angelica felt the tears she had been holding back for hours begin to emerge from her eyes, and she let them drip one by one onto the ground.

They stayed by his side for hours, and he talked and talked about things everyone had forgotten about. Angelica watched him get worse and worse- it was clear he was in pain. Blood kept coming out of the wound in his torso, and Angelica knew that much blood loss couldn't be survivable. By the next morning, Alexander was sleeping most of the time and when he woke up he was shaking with cold. He kept talking, but his words were out of focus and halfway through sentences he would stop and ask where he was. Angelica gently spoke to him, encouraging him to keep talking. Eliza could barely speak through her tears, but she did often say that she loved him and told him not to die.

Around noon, Alexander woke up to just Angelica by his side. Eliza had hurried off to bring him something to eat and had left her to watch him.

"Angelica?" Alexander squinted like it was hard to see her, though she sat beside him. He reached his hand out and took hers, "Angelica, it hurts. Everywhere." He pressed his hands on his wound and moaned, dark blood still staining his hands. Angelica bit her lip to stop herself from breaking down and squeezed his hand.

"Alexander… no matter what Eliza says, it's okay for you to die. If you're in pain." Angelica didn't know what made her say the words, but she thought them to be true. Maybe joining his mother, Laurens, Washington, Peggy, and Philip in heaven was better than be paralyzed and barely able to function. Still, she pushed the thoughts aside and focused to Alexander's face.

"I know… I'm just scared…" he trailed off, his eyes dimming. Angelica turned around, frantic.

"Eliza!" she called at the top of her lungs. Alexander would not die without his wife. She heard a crash and a small scream, and seconds later Eliza was scrambling into the room. The look on her face made clear that she was expecting the worst. She ran to Alexander's side, taking his hand. He looked at her, narrowing his eyes and then widening them. Angelica could see the fire fading in his eyes, and Eliza was speaking loudly, gasping through sobs, and the world seemed to be spinning and…

A scream pierced through her reeling thoughts. She focused her eyes to see Alexander, his eyes pointed to the ceiling, and Angelica knew he could no longer see through them. His chest fell one last time, then stopped moving altogether. Eliza was crying uncontrollably, and all Angelica could see were Alexander's dead eyes, empty of the passionate spirit they knew so well.

Months flew by, and Angelica mourned. She wore black, and she spoke little. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Alexander and his eyes, his body gone cold. One gloomy night, she sat in her room alone, a crumpled letter clutched to her chest. She could feel emotion about to explode inside of her, but instead of pushing it down she let it rush up all at once, and she collapsed to the floor, tears flooding her face.

"Goddamnit, Alexander!" she was screaming at the floor, crying into the letter, "Why did you have to go and die?" Angelica knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn't stop the words from flooding out of her mouth. No one was here to hear them anywhere. She wallowed in her pity for a while, but was interrupted by a hesitant knock on the door, "Come in…" she said quietly, not even trying to hide her sorry state.

"Alexander would be ashamed to see you like this," Angelica frowned at her sister's voice, uncharacteristically cold. She looked up to see Eliza standing over her, eyebrows raised at her older sister lying in a puddle of tears on the floor. Angelica quickly straightened herself and spoke.

"You can't blame me, can you, Eliza?" she asked, throwing the letter to the ground, "it will never be the same without him." Eliza softened up quickly and sank to the floor beside Angelica, her dark dress settling around her.

"I'm sorry, Angel. I'm— it's just that I don't know what to do with myself. Now that he's gone." Eliza almost broke down into tears, but Angelica stopped her, putting both hands on her sister's shoulders and speaking to her.

"Don't cry, Eliza. He wouldn't want us to cry for him," Angelica said.

"That's cliché," Eliza responded, looking away, but they both knew there was some truth to the words. Finally, Eliza turned back to her, grief present in her eyes, "I miss him, Angel. I do."

"I know, Eliza. I do too. Everyone does." Angelica spoke back. She thought of Alexander and his words, his eyes, his nonstop passion.

"Except for Jefferson," Eliza said, humor in her eyes. Angelica thought it was the first time her sister had made a joke since the duel.

"Well, that's our Alexander. It was his blessing and curse to be loved and hated," Angelica spoke with a smile, and she knew they were both remembering happier times, with Philip and Alexander and Peggy.

"You know, Angelica, we've made it through a lot. We're the last of the Schuylers (their father had died last month). Don't go dying on me now, Angel," Angelica smiled sadly at that, and pulled her sister into an embrace. The two tightly hugged each other, tears drizzling down between them.

"I love you, Eliza," Angelica said, squeezing her sister tight.

"You too, Angel," her sister answered back, and then they just embraced without speaking. Angelica thought of Alexander, and Peggy, and the love she felt for her amazing sister with her now. She remembered the girl she had been when she met Alexander, with her young, hungry heart that could never be satisfied. She imagined Alexander watching the sisters now, and smiled at the thought of it. And, strangely, for the first time in a while, she felt at peace, with Alexander, Eliza, and herself.

 **Thanks so much to all who read this, it really means a lot to me. I hope you guys liked this story, it was fun to write (except for the sad parts). Thank you again! (:**


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